Meggie (xmeggiex) wrote,

Here’s a quick recap of what’s been happening in the Middle East in the past 60 years, and how...'s affecting us.

Russia is currently in the process of giving Iran nuclear fuel rods for a nuclear power plant. This is bad, because spent nuclear fuel rods are the building blocks for enriched uranium. Enriched uranium is what nuclear warheads are made of.

Why is it bad if Iran has nuclear weapons? Well, the leaders of Iran have always maintained they don’t like Israel because it’s full of Jews. That’s because Iran is a radical, Islamic state.

As crazy as it sounds, a huge part of this comes down to religious differences. Pretty nuts huh? Well, it gets worse.

The United States did something kinda bad here. (And when I say “kinda”, I mean, “HOLYSHITWHATTHEFUCKWEREYOUTHINKING?!?!?”) After World War II, the Allied powers (England, Free-France, Russia, The United States, Canada, a few others) realized that they needed access to the oil in the Middle East. The easiest solution was to pretend to care about Jewish people, since they’d just been through the Holocaust and all… so we gave them this little piece of land called Israel.

As it turned out, we had no fucking clue how bad that idea was. We put a group of Jews on a piece of land that the Islamic community has always regarded as their Holy land.

(We also developed alliances with a few other countries as well… Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, just to name a few.)

But what about Israel and their Holy Land? They couldn’t really defend themselves against their sworn religious enemies, so we gave them all the military capabilities they could handle. We even gave them nuclear weapons. Looking back on it, it was a really bad idea. It made a lot of the Middle East hate the United States. (And for all intensive purposes, it was the REAL reason we were attacked on 9/11. The terrorists didn’t hate our freedom. They hated that we gave Israel their Holy land, and nuclear weapons to defend it with.)

Then, Israel started making some bad political decisions. They were already the most hated kid on the block, so they’ve never really tried to make anyone like them. Because of this, many of Israel’s neighbors have pursued nuclear programs. Israel has fought all of them, and won. This hasn’t exactly helped their situation.

Oh, shitfuck - then it got worse. For no reason at all, The United States decided to invade Iraq and Afghanistan. If you’re not familiar with a map, take a look at what’s in between Iraq and Afghanistan. Naturally, Iran felt a little (understatement) threatened, and looked to America’s closest thing to an enemy (Russia) for help in developing a nuclear weapons program. Russia, after being economically crushed by the United States during the Cold War, was more than willing to oblige.

“Gee Iran, you want to fuck with the United States? Hell yes we’ll help you out.”, Russia said.

Fast forward to today: Iran is one week away from going online with their first nuclear power plant, from which the spent rods will be used to develop and make nuclear weapons.

Now, the United States and Israel have to sit and wait. We have to wait, and hope that the leaders of Iran come to their senses. Is it likely? Hell fucking no. As long as U.S. forces surround Iran, there is no way they’re going to back down. Those wars in Iraq and Afghanistan look pretty fucking stupid right now, don’t they?

There are two possible outcomes now:

1. The United States attacks Iran next week.
2. The State of Israel attacks Iran next week.

What happens after that? No one really knows - but because of the complicated myriad of alliances between all these countries, religious ideologies, etc, the most likely scenario is this: The United States and Israel will fight Hezbollah (That’s “Party of God”, for those of you out of the loop. They’re based in Lebanon, but really, they’re all over the Middle East. To give you an idea of what kind of folks they are… their flag prominently features an assault rifle. Peace isn’t exactly their strong point.), and most of the Middle East.

Best case scenario: The United States and Israel fight a quick war, win, and things remain shitty in the Middle East.

Moderate case scenario: The whole world ends up being drawn into World War III, after Russia backs Iran, China backs Russia, and Southeast Asia follows suit. We fight a war that lasts a few years, killing millions. Ultimately, because the U.S./European forces have such a technological advantage over China/Russia/The Middle East, we’ll win… but when millions of innocent people die, there is no winner.

Worst case scenario: We find out where all those missing Russian nuclear warheads ended up at the end of The Cold War… and we all get to find out if we picked the right religion or not. The End.

Folks, whether you realize it or not, you might be looking at the end of the fucking world, so take a look outside, because this could get REALLY, REALLY ugly, REALLY, REALLY quickly.

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